Wow... What a tired day. I've been learning too much recently. Even don't have time for myself but I don't take it personally. It's great to live and learn like exactly the way U want to become. This is the life I've been dreaming of for such a long time. Sometimes U feel bad, sometimes U feel as if U are overworking, that U should stop to think about your life, to take a break. Everything, everyone around me is going on too fast these days. If someone ask me : What is the most precious thing in your whole life? I definitely say : my time without doubt.
I rememeber last year when I made up my mind to take part in this college. I did not think that I would pass the exam. I was not a good student, low mark all the time... But someone gave me a belief, that I should believe in myself, that I was not stupid. I can do whatever I want, just believe and carry out. Then I had the guts to join in the college entrance. I did not even think about seeing my result after that. But life does not dissapoint me... I passed! I can't even imagine. U won't ever know what I was feeling at that time. The feeling that can raise U fuckin' high. I feel really great. I got the reason to keep trusting myself. I was not that kinda shit that my nasty old teacher used to remark. I can do it without being afraid. Now I'm a monitor in my class, not the best student but no one can beat me from being good at studying. I'm really proud of what I've been standing up for. I'm not the unlucky man. I got a happy and funny family, with a great mom, a full loving grandma. I got freedom, do whatever I want, choose whatever I want - what I have to complain?
I did watch some movies about love. They really got me thinking... Love? I know it, know that but when U ask me if I have a real love or not, I totally say NO! Yeah, no one really loves me. Yeah, they love me, but not that kind of love between 2 persons who are really into each other. Just love in friend's relationship, family or that sort of things. I don't expect that one day someone will come and take me but I just wonder : Is it true if there's nothing last forever ? What a sad thing! Sometimes U try so hard but it still does not work. Worst than anything U had expected... I'm not exaggerating but that really make me feel out of place...
I've learned how to detect a lie. And yes, everyone will lie to U, that's a sad fact of life. But I'm still a happy person because I have nothing to worry about. I don't mind coping with difficult situations. Really don't mind it. I love this life and I have a goal. I big goal. I need to conquer my dream : To become a person who really inspires everyone. U think I can do that? Yes, I can! It will take some time but as long as I try, everything will be okay, right ?